5/25 10:09 am

Late July of 85 things had calmed down.

The nights and weekend house, the first house, had been finished eight months before. That first morning after, lying in bed not wanting to open my eyes, for the fear it was only a dream. It had been a marathon and now finally the hours were paid back to Frankie for helping me.

Still working at Skywalker; now on the punch list of the main house. None of the other carpenters’ had wanted the manuscript.

Matt had grown into the band on his pulmonary artery. His breathing had slowed and was gaining weight.

It was a Saturday night, Matt was sleeping, we had just started watching a movie, when the phone rang. The doctor on the other end asked if we wanted a baby girl less than 24 hours old. One of the letters had just kicked in.

So we loaded the four door civic and headed to southern California, on the 101, in the darkness of the night. Matt sleeping in the back. Somewhere my eyes would not stay open. We slept on the side of the road until the sun appeared. Stopping at a gas station we washed our faces and changed our clothes. With the facade of confidence we walked into the hospital just north of Santa Barbara.

The baby’s mother had kept it a secret, even from the parents she was living with. How, I still do not know to this day. No one knew until the time had come. They went to a hospital that didn’t give birth anymore. Scrabbling they hurriedly went into the closets that had been closed and pulled out the discarded things that were now needed.

Another couple had been called first, but it was not to be. And so we walked into the room and met her mother, the one who had given her life, the one that from the beginning knew she would give up her daughter she so deeply loved, to a couple she did not know, that could give her baby the care she could not. And so I went silent again.

It was years later I could again tell her of the praise I felt for her.

The three of us were tired and now there were four. Placing Kim on the motel bed my wife and I watched, as our daughter breathing was barely noticeable. There was not the slightest hint of blueness around her nose. She drank from the bottle in the easiest sort of way.

My wife and I put away our differences, looked at each other smiling and agreed we could take care of five or six like Kim.